


I'm so sorry

by Callie_Girl



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Spoilers, Suicide Attempt, Witch - Freeform, after eggplant, and the wardrobe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-01-25 22:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18584335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callie_Girl/pseuds/Callie_Girl
Summary: After Desmond is saved from Neron's control, he hates John. John can't take it anymore.





	1. 1

As soon as John left Ray and Nora, his plan was in place. He’d written his note, all he needed were the tools.

“Ay, Gideon. Can you replicate a bottle of Benadryl and six bottles of the alcohol called Spirytus?”

“Of course, Mr Constantine.” The things appeared in the replicator, and he grabbed them, retreating to his room.

He just had one last thing. How would he sign his note?

First, he wrote “Love,” then scratched it out with a small sob, writing “From,” instead. He signed it with “John/ Mr Constantine/ Constantine/ Weasel/ Johnny.”

Now that that was done, he was ready to see hell.

 

Desmond woke up to an ambulance outside, and the sound of a woman screaming and crying. He walked over to the window, and got a vague image of a small, trench-coat clad person being taken into the ambulance. Despite himself, his heart stopped.

“Johnny.”

He rushed down to where the crew of the Waverider stood. Mick Rory was restraining a young Arab woman, who was crying so hard she was almost wailing.

“What happened?”

Sara Lance looked at him. “All we know is that Gideon warned us that John was going into shock. He’d barricaded his door, and the temp in his room was at zero… he was in bed, unresponsive, and surrounded by his own blood.” she pressed a hand to her lips. “It… it was a suicide attempt. He left a note and everything… come to the ship. I’m going to read it.”

He nodded numbly, letting the crew lead him back to the ship, sinking onto one of the sofas. Zari Tomaz refused to look at him, her eyes still red from crying.

Sara Lance unfolded the note, her voice shaking as she read, “First off, I want you to know this is only my fault. Any of you attempting to blame yourselves will be severely haunted… I suppose, since I sent Des, Astra, and Gaz to hell, I might as well see it for myself. I have a few things to tell you guys.” she paused, collecting herself. “Zari, you are one of the strongest women I know, Sara, you’re another. You keep going, you funky little bisexuals. It was a pleasure to know you… Charlie, keep raising hell, lass. You deserve to… Mick, I know you and I had our disagreements, but I want to tell you that you’re a brilliant man. Keep fighting… Ray, big man, you made every attempt to save me, to include me, and for that, I can never repay you… N- Nora… keep fighting. You are stronger than your demons.” she stopped. “Most of these people aren’t here. Nate… Chas… Zed… Someone called ‘G…’ Ava… Desmond, here’s the one for you.” Des wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it. “‘You were right to hate me. I can’t apologize enough, you deserved so much better than me. I wish I could’ve sent myself to hell instead of sending you.’”

All was silent for a few minutes, then Ray spoke up. “We should call his friends. Does anyone know his phone password?”

Des nodded. Ray passed him the phone, and he typed in his birth date. The phone let him in, and he passed it back to Ray.

Sara took a deep breath. “We’ll go see him in the hospital tomorrow. Try to sleep. Des… you can stay if you want.”

Zari spoke up. “If he’s staying, he needs to know exactly what John did for him.”

“He sent me to hell.”

“Desmond, let me tell you something. A while ago, John went back in time and broke the entire timeline. You want to know why? So he could save you.”

Charlie nodded. “It’s true.”

“He tried to so, changing the timeline again and again, until his brain couldn’t take in. He almost killed himself trying to save you, until I managed to convince him to set everything back because he could find a way to help you…”

That seemed like the stupid, impulsive thing Johnny would do. Des rubbed his eyes. “I’ll stay.”


	2. 2

“We came as soon as we heard.” Chas Chandler, a tall, bearded man, walked in, a smaller female with curly hair just being him.

“Where’s G?” Sara asked.

“He’s parking his motorcycle.”

On cue, a tall, dark-haired man walked in. Ava immediately noticed the revolver strapped to his thigh and wondered how he managed to get it past security.

His shocking blue eyes narrowed as he noticed Desmond and addressed him in a sharp western accent. “I thought you was in Hell?”

“I was.”

G clearly wasn’t expecting more of an answer, and he turned to Ava. “How did he try?”

“According to the doctors, there were massive amounts of sedatives and alcohol in his blood, so that’s one. Then, he all but skinned his arms and legs. And, his room was almost sub-zero when we found him.”

G scoffed. “O’ course. Couldn’t leave too much chance o’ survivin,’ could ‘e?”

G moved over to Chas, staring into the closed-off room when John was hooked up to an army of machines. Chas wrapped one arm around the slightly smaller man, wrapping his other around Zed.

“Did he leave a note?” Zed asked, her voice carefully still.

“Yeah.” Sara handed the folded note to the three. G’s eyes narrowed as he read it, and he all but shot across the room, pinning Des to the wall by his neck.

“What. Did. You. Say. To. Him.” his voice was steely, dangerous.

“Greg-”

“Shut up, Chas.” he refocused on Desmond. “What did you do?”

“Well, I’m sure he would tell you if you weren’t choking him!” Zed snapped. Greg relaxed his grip, walking away. Ava noticed his hand inch toward his holster, and she wondered if the gun was loaded. He started muttering in Spanish, pacing.

“I yelled at him for sending me to Hell, and said I didn’t want anything from him.”

Greg sighed. “Dios Mio.”

Chas put a hand on Greg’s shoulder hesitantly and, when Greg didn’t pull away, he wrapped his arms around the Westerner. Greg seemed to deflate, whispering something else in Spanish. Zed replied in the same language, and he started to cry.

Sara almost cried with him.

 

“You guys can stay on the Waverider if you’d like.” Ray offered.

“I don’t need sleep.” Greg declined. “Someone’s gotta be here if somethin’ happens.”

“You just drove here all the way from Brooklyn on a motorcycle. You do so need sleep.” Zed argued. Greg huffed in a way that reminded Desmond of John.

“I’m fine.” His tone left no room for argument, and Chas sighed, leaving with Zed and the Waverider crew.

Once they got back to the ship, Desmond approached Zed. “How does he know John?”

“Greg? Dude, that’s a really personal story. I don’t even know. You’d have to ask him.”

Des nodded, thanking her. He’d ask Greg in the morning.


	3. 3

Something didn’t add up.

Greg was still staring at the note. A small portion at the bottom was waterproofed on one side, and had a faint lemon smell… John was not the type to use scented ink.

His eyes narrowed as he examined the strip of waterproofing again. He’d seen this before… but where?

Then it hit him. It was fireproofing. This particular type had a faint lemony smell, but it wasn’t usually strong enough…

Unless John used lemon juice as ink!

He grabbed a lighter from his pocket, holding it at a reasonable distance from the paper, and grinning as words began to form.

He’d thought it was weird that there’d been no mention of Cheryl, John’s sister. John would never admit that there was one person he’d always trusted no matter what, not in a way that could be found easily, at least. Maybe that was why he’d included Greg in the note. Greg had taught him the lemon juice trick, after all…

“What’re you doing?” his sleep-hazed mind didn’t recognize the voice. In a second, he’d dropped the note and grabbed his gun from its holster, and pointed it at the new arrival.

Oh, it was just Desmond.

“Quite honestly, not doin’ much.”

“I was just curious… hey, can you put down the gun?” as Greg did so, he continued, “how do you know John?”

“I went on an exchange student trip to Brittain in my las’ year o’ high school, stayed with Chas and his family. Constantine came over a lot, we got to know a lot about each other. He helped me stay off heroin, I helped him treat the wounds from ‘is dad.” Greg smiled wryly. “Guy saved m’ life a few times over. Me an’ Chas do the same for ‘im.”

“How?”

“Well, Chas’ll join ‘im on missions and try ta take the most of the impact, cause he got so many lives. I talk to John when ‘e won’t lis’en ta Chas or Zed, keep him from doin’ somethin’ he’ll regret.” Greg pressed his pointer and middle finger to his own lips, as if holding a cigarette. Then, he pulled his hand down to his side, as if realizing he was doing it. “Sorry. Bad habit.”

“You smoke?”

“Used ta. Bu’ it was harder to stay off drugs if I was on cigs, so I quit both.”

“What do you mean by ‘something he’ll regret?’”

“... The night he damned you to hell, John called me in the midst of one of the worst panic attacks he’d ever had. He was beggin’ me to talk him down from suicide. He did the same with what happened to Astra… to Gaz… every time ‘e couldn’t save a kid. I can always talk him down.” Greg turned away. “I gotta go see someone. Think on what I said, pardner.”

Hard not to.


	4. 4

Of all the things they expected of John Constantine’s sister, what they got was not even close. She was small, for one, probably a mere five feet, with hair like wet hay and permanent tiredness in her brown eyes. When asked if she wanted water or food, she gave non-committal answers, which was a pretty drastic change from her stubborn-arse brother. Like John, she never revealed the top portion of her arms, and her forearms were littered with scars and bruises. She also hid her emotions very well, remaining all but listless as she was informed of the situation. She stayed by John’s side for almost every second.

Which the Legends couldn’t do.

Ava Lance sighed. “Guys, we’ve got a severe anachronism.”

Sara groaned. “But we’re down a player, and I gotta say, morale is at an all-time low.”

“You’re going,” Greg spoke from the corner, a white cowboy hat tilted to hide his eyes. He didn’t change his posture as he continued. “How d’you think John’ll feel when he wakes up and finds that y’all neglected your duties on his behalf? You know how he hates bein’ a bother. He’d beat ‘imself up.”

“He’s right.” Chas, whom everyone had forgotten was there, walked across the room. “Ignoring the needs of the timeline won’t help John’s condition.”

“Besides, best to deal with it while he’s still out. He won’t even know the difference.” Zed added.

Seeing that the Legends weren’t entirely swayed, Desmond concluded with, “If you guys don’t, we will, and no one wants to see how that ends.”

Sara couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of Desmond, Greg, Chas, Zed, and maybe Cheryl trying to fill in on a Legends mission. “Okay, fine. But you guys /will/ call us if he wakes up.”

“Yeah.”

After the Legends left, Zed whispered, “no, we won’t.”

 

The Legends were gone for five days, and on the sixth, Chas finally convinced Greg to get some sleep. Zed was pacing, Desmond was on his phone, and Cheryl was still next to John, whispering. It was quiet, but not pin-drop quiet. The gentle, comfortable quiet of friends just chilling.

Which didn’t last for long.

Greg cried out, sitting bot upright and starting to hyperventilate. Chas immediately ran over, gently gripping Greg’s upper arms and speaking reassuringly.

Then, from the bed, a strangled voice came. “Greg?”

Everyone turned to see John looking at least half awake.


	5. 5

John propped himself up on his elbows. "Bloody hell... Greg? You okay-" 

He was cut off by Cheryl hugging him tightly. Zed glared at him halfheartedly. "When you get better, I'm going to murder you."

John cringed. "Oh... right... I'm still alive."

"That's how we want it." Cheryl sat back, letting him breathe. "How are you feeling?"

John glanced around. These were some of the people who knew him best. No way he could get away with lying to them. "To be honest, my brain's a bit foggy and my limbs hurt like 'ell, but I could be worse."

Chas nodded. "We'll get the nurses to put you on some pain meds. The Legends should be back soon."

"Yeah, they should," Zari announced. She strode into the room, glaring at them. "I thought you guys were gonna call us?"

As the rest of the Legends filed in, making the room a lot more cramped than it needed to be, Zed pointed out, "Well, he did just wake up five minutes ago."

Desmond was the only one who noticed Greg slip out of the room. Making sure Johnny was occupied, he followed the westerner into the hall. "Where are you going?"

Greg paused. "Work."

Okay, logical answer... "Hey, um... how did John... y'know... react to sending me to hell?"

After a few moments of silence, Greg pulled out a cassette and tossed it over. "It's all on here. Make sure to return it. Just give it ta Chas, and he'll get it back ta me."

Desmond looked from the cassette to the cowboy. "Why..."

"Why do I have it? Because sometimes I need remindin' that there are people who need me alive." He smirked humorlessly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go save the world."

He turned away, and there was a bright flash.

A transporter.

The kind the Justice League used.

Des stared for a few minutes, trying to comprehend what was happening, then went back to the room, slipping the cassette into a pocket of his leather jacket. John smiled when he returned to the room, and that turned everyone's attention to the former barkeep.

"Desmond, what are you planning to do?" Zari spoke up. "After all of this."

Des shrugged. "I don't think I could go back to barkeeping, not after everything that's happened. So I guess my options are open."

Sara smiled. "Well, you could always join the Legends. We can use another hand."

Des couldn't stop his heart from swelling at how hopeful John's face got. "... I... I... I'd love to."

The smile Johnny granted him made everythng he'd gone through over the past few years worth it."


End file.
